Stargate: Beta - a Stargate roleplay
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"I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE
http://www.the-gateroom.com/viewtopic.php?f=58&t=536
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Author:  Caleb Williams [ Sat Feb 10, 2018 3:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

The emotional exhaustion was creeping up on him rapidly now, even as Claire kissed him tenderly, as he held onto her, he had never felt this kind of exhaustion before, physical exhaustion he dealt with pretty much at least once or twice a month, depending on how busy he often was with work. This kind of exhaustion, nope he couldn't say he had felt it before, all he wanted to do was curl up with Claire, hold onto Claire, let her sooth him in any way she could.

“I'll try not to,” he whispered voice cracking again, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't bottle things up like this again, he couldn't.

Couldn't let himself get to this state where he thought the only way out of the situation was to leave Claire, he loved her, loved her more than anything else in the two galaxies he lived in, he didn't want to leave her. Sure he still wanted to protect her, but that wasn't going to change any time soon and it wasn't as strong as it had been that he would push her away, not now.

It wasn't just acceptance that she'd be there for him, it was the acceptance that he could let her be there for him, and that was not something he expected to feel from the situation. He took a deep breath in, letting the last of the tears falling down his face, he didn't think there was any more to give, felt like he cried for years instead of mere moments.

His face felt hot and itchy, he brought a hand up to rub at his eyes, even as Claire took his other hand and kissed it. It felt good to tell her what the next problem was, what the next thing in the list of problems, was going to happen and to hear her say they didn't have to sleep, they could just talk, was the best news he'd had since they'd finished their shower.

Caleb gave a little huff of breath out as he held his hand out to her, noting the small shakes, “Think I need to sit down before I fall down,” he said quietly.

He wrapped his arm around her again, making movements to head towards the bed, except his legs were so shaky from the emotional out burst, they wouldn't quite work right, instead of a step it was a shuffle, his legs feeling like lead, as he held onto Claire even tighter.

Author:  Claire Te Atua [ Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Caleb sagged against her, and Claire held him close, feeling exhaustion to match her own rippling through him. She needed to get him into bed as soon as possible, but she was well aware that the stubborn bugger wouldn't go until he was good and ready. There really was no point picking a fight when she didn't need to.

Smiling softly as Caleb said he'd try not to forget she was on his side, she brushed tender fingers across his cheekbone. "I'll make sure of it," she breathed. Now that he had opened up and let her in, had stopped trying to keep her at a distance, Claire was certain they would never find themselves in such a precarious position again, no matter what life threw at them. "Just remember that we're a family, and you'll be right."

Claire just breathed as she felt the storm subside within Caleb, let him come back to centre, let him return to the life he had thought he was too broken to resume. Their life together. Reaching up, she brushed her thumbs across his cheeks, wiping away the last of the flood of tears that had built up inside her husband. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him cry, if ever. He was very much a man's man, who didn't like to show his emotions, and it had been hard for him to even open up to Claire, sometimes. He was definitely better at it than he had been, and tonight - well, this morning - signified one hell of a breakthrough.

Her eyes didn't leave Caleb's face as he scrubbed at his eyes, red rimmed with tears, and likely gritty from tiredness. She knew hers were likely looking the same. The urge to close her eyes and give into sleep was all but irresistible, but to hear how afraid Caleb was to return to a state of slumber broke Claire's heart all over again.

Nodding as he admitted he needed to sit down, she slid an arm around his waist, helping him to limp painfully over to the bed. Slowly, Claire helped lower him to sitting on the edge of the bed, before - without even needing to ask him - dropping to hew knees and lifting his legs carefully onto the bed, and tugging the covers up. She was starting to feel the chill in the room now, and headed around the bed, slipping in beside her husband, and moulding herself to his side, her head on his shoulder, a hand resting lightly on Caleb's chest.

"How's this," she murmured, feeling her eyes getting heavy almost immediately, but buggered if she was going to fall asleep before he passed out himself.

Author:  Caleb Williams [ Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Family, he had forgotten that word in everything that had happened, forgot that despite the wonders of Atlantis, despite the reasons they had come out here, they had come out here together, as a couple, as partners, as friends, as family. How had he missed that? How had everything gotten so muddle together in the process of a few days or less? How could things turn on their head so quickly and then have the rug pulled out from beneath them.

That once in a life time trip that he had been so eager to come on, the one where he could recall being so excited for and not pressuring Claire into going with him, had turned into a mini-nightmare? At least in some way he had opened up about it now, he might have gone about it the wrong way, a very wrong way if the way his legs felt like jelly were anything to go by and that all he wanted was a cool cloth on his face, but he had opened up about it.

He was glad he didn't have to ask Claire to help him up onto the bed, sucking in a breath as his side pulled, all the shouting, crying, standing and pacing he'd done had probably taken a toll on his already battered body. But he didn't care, he had Claire there, he felt a bit more himself, even as he let himself sink back onto the pillows, his eyes closing of their own violation but not falling to sleep just yet.

Caleb didn't see Claire go around the other side of the bed before he felt her curl up at his side, just as she had done so many other times before, yet this time felt different, felt special, he brought his hand up and encased hers with his, resting on his chest. Her head tucked onto his shoulder, just as it should have been, this was normal, he felt his own head tip so it was resting on top of hers, even as he felt his breathing even out.

“No going nowhere,” he said, voice jumbling words together as his body started tugging at him to give into the fatigue, “No sleeping, just resting, just...” words completely disappearing as his body succumbed to exhaustion, and he drifted into a deep dreamless sleep, the world right for at least a little while again.

Author:  Claire Te Atua [ Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Two days later...

Claire could feel exhaustion washing over her in waves again. Despite the fact that Caleb was now at home again, settling back in, she still wasn't getting much sleep. She was far too worried that he was going to have more of those nightmares, the ones he was afraid of, and she would lie there for hours, watching him sleep, cuddled up against his side. She knew it wasn't good for her, and she needed to rest too, but she would be able to nap while Caleb was going through the accelerated healing.

That was where he was now, with Carson in a side room, and Claire was taking a few minutes in her office, sipping a coffee, and beadily eying the stack of paperwork that had built up on her desk over the last week or so. It was going to take several days to sort out, at best, and was the bane of her life.

Placing her coffee down, Claire leaned her chair back and closed her eyes, intending to grab a quick catnap while Carson carried out the procedure. It had been delayed from the day before, due to Caleb's exhaustion from his sleepless night, but, instead of blowing up, he seemed to understand it was in his best interests, and had talked it out with her.

Now, after a day of rest, just the two of them in their quarters after Caleb had undergone one final checkup the day before, the accelerated healing could finally begin. The treatment room was small, and Carson firmly refused Claire access. While part of her understood that there just wasn't the room for anyone other then the medics conducting the procedure, her initial reaction had been refusal to leave her husband's side. It had taken a few minutes of hushed conversation with Carson to be persuaded to take a couple of hours for herself.

She could feel herself drifting off when there was a sharp rap on her office door. Sitting bolt upright, she scrubbed gritty eyes, blinking to bring herself back to the here and now. "Come in," she called, her voice thick with sleep. One of the nurses, Hannah, poked her head around the door. "Claire, Carson's asked me to come and get you," she said, slightly breathless. "It's Caleb, he's... he's been sick."

Claire blinked, tugging her hair back into its ponytail, taking a deep breath, and heading for the treatment room. As she opened the door, the stench of vomit assailed her nostrils, and she took in the sight of Caleb, sat on the edge of the bed, a pool of vomit on the floor, as he spat into a bowl. Putting aside her own rising nausea, Claire went straight to his side, an arm around his shoulder.

She shot him a lopsided grin. "Told you not to eat that bloody breakfast," she murmured, her voice more amused than reproving. "You okay, e ipo?"

Author:  Caleb Williams [ Mon Feb 12, 2018 10:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Caleb had told himself this was going to be easy, he'd have the advanced healing and then be back to work in no time, well that's what he told himself. What he hadn't expected was the five minute 'lecture' from Beckett about what he could expect and was he really sure he wanted to go through with this because it wasn't going to be easy? Caleb had nodded his head, the words stuck in his throat, he didn't want to say that this would be a walk in the park compared to what the Genii had done to him, he had noticed the pity looks some people gave him when he said things like that.

Not Claire though, since there heated disagreement a few days earlier, he noticed it wasn't pitying looks she was giving him, it was encouragement, he did however sort of stop when she couldn't stay with him. Throughout everything that he'd been through so far Claire had been there, had told him what was going to happen, why they were doing it and this time, this time she wouldn't be there, he very pointedly ignored the words exchanged between Beckett and Claire, it wasn't his place to say.

Even as he squeezed her hand once more before she left the room, and then it was straight down to business, the nurse Hannah he thought her name was instructed him to lay down, and did he want anything to help him relax. No he most certainly did not, he didn't need to be put under for this, he was going to damn well stay awake through the whole thing, before both the nurse and Beckett disappeared behind some kind of screen.

Then it had started, at first it was just a warm tingling running up and down his body, he could feel as it travelled across his body feeling cold when it moved to a different part. If that was the worse it was going to be then he could deal with that, he relaxed himself more into the hard platform, he was definitely going to suggest the doctor get a pillow for the damn machine for his next customer.

Of course he wished he had never thought that, wished he had never even considered this was going to be easy, as the machine seemed to suddenly spark to life, the whirring seemingly getting louder in his ears. The heat seemingly getting hotter, it was beginning to feel like he had been sitting in the sun too long, he was beginning to really want a drink and also regretting the breakfast he'd had.

It was the first time since he'd woken that he had actually felt hungry that morning and well the Athosians had shared some of their food again and well, despite Claire's warnings he had kind of eaten more than was normal, but still less than what he would normally have put away, and it had been lovely. Every taste was as though he had never tasted it before and was discovering it again, he could still see the soft smile on Claire's face as he'd eaten his breakfast. If it had been any other morning on any other day he would most definitely have made some innuendo, some comment that would have that soft smile turning into a dirty one.

As it was that hadn't been the case and now, now he was laying there the warmth turning into heat, the heat turning into something more burning and then, then it hit the ribs. The ribs that were still expertly broken in two places, the ribs that still didn't let him turn onto his side when he was sleeping, the ribs that he could feel were beginning to knit themselves back together rapidly and it was more than fire.

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying anything, he wouldn't say anything, his hands clenched into fists so tightly he was sure there was going to be marks on the palm of his hands. His whole body tensed, and he tried his hardest not to move, to not squirm away from the heat and the pain, tried to keep still. They had to do this, had to heal him, his eyes squeezed tightly closed, if he didn't see the machine moving maybe it would be better.

Yet closing his eyes was the wrong thing to do as the world swam with blackness, the heat rolled through him, the pain getting to that unbearable part again, he tried to stand it, tried to put up with it and he didn't know how long he lasted, until he had to sit up, words coming out his mouth but he had no idea what he'd said.

Before he was sat hunched over, the breakfast he'd consumed splattered across the floor, as his stomach tried to twist its self inside out. He didn't really remember pushing himself up right, didn't really remember emptying his stomach onto the floor, he did however remember the nurse leaving the room to fetch Claire and then Claire being there at his side, as he spat out the remaining vomit in his mouth.

The arm around his shoulders was nice, was soothing, his arms were shaking a bit with the aftershocks of being sick so suddenly and he gave her a small smile at her comment.

“Am fine,” he said voice scratchy, it wasn't like he was going to admit anything in public, he did however find himself resting his head on her shoulder as the energy he'd had earlier had been taken from the damn machine. “Sorry 'bout the floor,” he whispered.

He vaguely heard another door open, the nurse that had fetched Claire had seemingly taken her time to get back and out the corner of his eyes Caleb spotted her handing something to Beckett, something that didn't register until Beckett was stood in front of them, needle in hand.

“Let's give you this lad, something to settle your stomach, give you chance to eat something later on,” Beckett said, smiling sympathetically at the two of them.

All Caleb saw was the needle, he didn't really register what it was for, that it would help him, because he found himself sat up straight, he didn't need to be in a vulnerable position when someone with sharp objects was near him. His hand covering the yellow bruise at the crook of his arm, where the Genii had taken something and shook his head, getting lost in a memory that seemed to want to make it's self known....

Caleb was laying in a pool of, well he really didn't want to think about was he was laying in, all he knew was that everything had gone beyond pain, there was no pain no more, just numbness, just nothing and he felt like laughing at the thought. The Genii had managed to break him so damn much that even the gun shot wounds, the punches and damn knows what else didn't hurt him any more.

He did huff out a laugh, feeling a fresh wave of blood leave his side, he always knew when that happened, his side would go warm and although he knew it was blood and knew it was bad to loose so much, it comforted him on the hard, cold floor. It gave him comfort to know he was still alive, he still had a chance and wasn't in some kind of hell.

Of course he heard voices, opening his eyes he saw two Genii soldiers come in, they always stopped speaking when they saw him unless they were interrogating him, there was never any 'chit chat' between them. They came in, marched over and yanked him up right, slammed him against the wall, his head kindly bouncing off the wall with a thunk – thankfully it didn't knock him out – before they reached for his arm, shoving his jacket up – or what was left of his jacket now – and were none to gentle about sticking a damn needle in him.

He sort of passed out as they crouched in front of him, the needle seemed to be in him for a really long time, before they pulled it out, ripping his skin as they did so, pushing him back to the floor and left the place....


“No!” Caleb said forcefully, making his voice sound louder than what it needed to be, his hand out now to stop Beckett, “I'll be fine, honestly,” even as his stomach gave an ominous noise again and he had to swallow thickly to keep the insides, inside.

“I can manage, I don't need anything,” he said, before looking at Claire, “Please?” he explain later, he wouldn't explain now, wouldn't put himself on more of a show than he already was. He didn't want it, he could manage, they could manage.

Author:  Claire Te Atua [ Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Caleb's head rested heavily on her shoulder, and Claire dropped a tender kiss onto his hair. She had known how taxing the accelerated healing would be on his ravaged body, had explained as much as she could to her husband, but he had been set on going through with it. She knew that there was no point arguing with Caleb when he had his mind set on something, and, as such, she was better off supporting him and being there for him as he needed her.

The last few days had been fraught, and they were just coming back to some semblance of normality after Caleb had finally let his guard down and let her in. It was so hard for her husband to just open up, even to her, that it broke Claire's heart. She would do anything for him, but, at the moment, the thing she needed to do was protect him from himself.

She was hoping that he was starting to come to terms with the fact that opening up, sharing his burden with her, would make things easier, but only time would tell. For now, she had to make sure that she was there for him, however he needed her, however he wanted her. And, right now, if that was to comfort him after he had chucked his ring up all over the floor of the infirmary, so be it.

"Don't worry about the floor, we can clean that up," chuckled Claire, kissing Caleb's hair again, pulling him in closer. "Looks like you've had just about enough for the day, though, eh?"

If she knew her husband, though, he would want to carry on, and there would come the hard part. Caleb would never admit that he wasn't physically capable of anything, even in his current state, and all that Claire could hope was that he would actually listen to his body for once, and get some rest, allow himself to recover before the next onslaught on his injuries the following day.

She felt him stiffen, sitting bolt upright, sweat sheening his face, as Carson pulled out a needle containing an anti-emetic. Claire's face was etched with concern, her arm firmly around Caleb's back, as he husband looked as though he was a million miles away for a few moments, before fight or flight kicked in, and he refused the injection, more than a note of panic in his voice.

"Caleb," she murmured, her fingers resting on his cheekbone, turning him to face her. "Caleb, e te tau, are you okay?" She wondered what was making him react like this. He clearly wasn't going to discuss it in front of Carson and Hannah, though, and there was a hint of the scared man he had revealed to her as he begged her not to let Carson inject him.

She nodded almost imperceptibly. "Carson, we can give him a tablet instead, eh," she said, her words more of a demand than a request, but cloaked in gentleness. An anti-emetic was just what Caleb needed, but it had to be on his terms. And, seeing as he didn't appear to want to discuss it, she had to do the best she could to reach a compromise.

Claire caught Caleb's gaze, almost beseeching him to take the tablet instead. "Once your stomach's settled, how about we get you back home for a bit? If you feel better, I can always bring you something from the mess. You need to be resting, though, e ipo, it'll take a few hours to recover from the healing." She gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Think you can walk back to our place?" Even if he didn't feel up to it, she knew there was no way that Caleb would get into a wheelchair. Besides, the sooner they got home behind closed doors, the sooner they could talk about what had just happened.

Author:  Caleb Williams [ Thu Feb 22, 2018 9:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Caleb really didn't like the fact that the procedure had actually caused him to be sick, especially considering the fact that he had enjoyed his breakfast so much just an hour before. He was partially kicking himself for not listening to Claire earlier, but well the breakfast had smelt so good at the time and well he hadn't wanted to argue with her. Not again and had just added more food to his face, now that food was laying on the floor in a really nasty looking mess.

He was thankful when Beckett got him the tablet instead of an injection, he still wasn't interested in sharing what had shaken him to the core when the doctor had come at him with the needle, well not whilst they were in public anyway. He could feel the words bubbling up in his throat, wanting to spill out to share with Claire, ever since they had, had there 'harsh exchange' of words the previous day he had found himself wanting to share what was going through his head with her.

Caleb wanted her to know even if it meant he had to go about it the long way around, but he did find himself shaking his head as Claire tried to say he should maybe give it a rest for the day, he didn't want to give it a rest. He wanted to feel normal, to be able to move about without feeling like his ribs were rubbing against each other, he wanted to be able to stand for more than five minutes at a time, he wanted to be able to walk the length of their quarters without getting out of breath and feeling like he needed to take a sit down for more than an hour.

“No,” he said stubbornly, shaking his head, “I can do this again, I don't need to stop, not yet,” even as he scrunched up his hand into a fist to stop the shake that had wanted to escape. He looked at Claire, a look of determination there, a spark of the old stubborn Caleb lurking behind the slight glazed look of where he'd been sick.

“We can do another around, another round and then I'll walk back to our quarters, no arguing, promise,” he said, trying to bargain with Claire.

Author:  Claire Te Atua [ Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Caleb could be a stubborn bastard when he wanted to be. Which was most of the time, actually. The last few days had reinforced that, and Claire knew that his refusal to stop the healing for the day was just another part of that stubbornness. However, the wildness in his eyes, his reaction when Carson had presented the needle, was part of something else entirely, something that rocked Claire to the core, left her insides roiling.

The haunted look that had danced through Caleb's eyes had crawled across her skin, left her cold as she felt just the tiniest bit of what Caleb must have gone through. His words couldn't do justice to the fragment of his ordeal that had passed across his gaze, and Claire pulled him a fraction closer, wanting to protect him from the ghosts of the past.

She cocked her head, eyes warm, as Caleb's stubborn streak kicked in. "E ipo, you know there's only so much your body can take in one go," she warned, torn between her husband and the patient once more. "To make sure you get the best results, you need to take it steady, not inflict more damage on yourself by trying to do too much, too soon."

That had always been an issue with Caleb. He always wanted everything so quickly, needed to always be taking action, be on the move. That hadn't changed, and Claire offered him a small smile, brushing damp tendrils of hair back from his forehead. She cast a glance to Carson, who shrugged almost helplessly. If they wanted to, they could force the issue and send Caleb home for the day, but Claire knew that this would have the opposite effect from what they wanted to achieve.

She sighed, giving Caleb a lopsided smile. "Okay," she said, her gaze serious. "We'll try one more round. One sign of you struggling, though, or it looks like you're being pushed too far, and we go home, okay? We have a deal?"

Author:  Caleb Williams [ Tue Feb 27, 2018 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Caleb frowned at Claire as she told him not to inflict more damage upon himself, there was that motto that liked to get thrown around at times 'no pain, no gain' that sprang to mind in that moment. Not that he was going to say that out loud, he didn't need Claire thinking that he was doing this purely for the gain of it, although that was an upside to him pushing for this.

There was also a little bit of control edging back into him, that this was the pain, the sickness that he had decided to do to himself. No one else, just him, and if Claire refused him more, well he wasn't sure what he would say, but he knew the words would be harsh and he really didn't want to start another argument with Claire. Not in public.

But he also had to make her see that he could handle this, he could do this, he had thought of the consequences – he fully expected to have his breakfast make a re-repeat appearance once the procedure got under way – but he had chosen to do it. He gripped hold of her hand, giving it a small squeeze, a promise that everything would be okay, he knew what he was doing, he did notice that Beckett had been suspiciously quiet throughout the little exchange which he was grateful for.

“I'll be fine, Claire, promise,” he said quietly, not that he believed for one moment that he was going to be fine, “I can do this, I promise one more round and I'll walk back to our quarters no fuss,”

He wouldn't say he jumped for joy when Claire seemed to relent but he couldn't quite retain the sigh of relief he gave when she agreed to go along with it. He knew her concerns, knew that he was pushing himself, not giving his body the chance to acclimatise to it's sudden healthiness, but he didn't want to stop, he was worried that if he stopped, if he thought about it, then he'd feel worse. There was definitely no way he was going to be sitting around in his quarters letting himself slowly heal, even if the very thought of going back to work sent a shiver down his back, he could deal with that later.

Caleb smiled at Claire, “Deal, but it's not pushing myself to far, I'll be fine, I promise,” the smile dropped slightly, a quick glance to make sure the other two people in the room were far enough away as he added quietly, “You'll stay yes?”

He wasn't sure what it was, wasn't sure where it had come from, but ever since he'd come back from the Genii, woken up, he found that having Claire near him was comforting and despite the horror he'd put them through, he couldn't seem to bring himself to ask her to step out the room or leave. He felt silly for asking at times, felt like he was relying on her too much, but he also found he couldn't not ask, not have her there. He also knew he was going to have to speak about that later on with her, explain what he was feeling, because despite everything he still found himself wanting to share with her everything he was thinking.

Author:  Claire Te Atua [ Thu Mar 01, 2018 3:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I'm fine, really!" TAG CLAIRE

Claire's eyes told all the stories her words didn't: she was worried about Caleb, she needed him to take care, she needed him. She needed him to take it easy, and to make sure that he wasn't doing himself further damage. However, her husband was as stubborn a man as had ever lived, and once he had made his mind up about something, it was the devil's own job to shift his position.

It seemed as though the next bee in Caleb's bonnet was the accelerated healing, no matter what the cost, and Claire could only hope that, in the long run, it would be worth it. At least now it didn't appear as though their marriage would be a casualty of his ordeal.

The last 24 hours had been a time of recreating their equilibrium, talking things through, reestablishing their closeness, and tha wasn't something that Claire was prepared to risk again. At least it seemed as though Caleb was on the same page now, and was willing to talk about what he had been through and how he was feeling.

No matter that things were easing between them, Claire knew that she was still going to have to deal with how the last few days had affected her, and it wasn't fair on Caleb to lay everything on him. She didn't regret fighting for their marriage, but the emotional toll it had taken on her was far greater than she had realised at first. Having held so much in since Caleb's return meant that she was still feeling fragile, and she made a mental note to talk to Kate Heightmeyer once Caleb was more his old self.

She quirked up an eyebrow as Caleb made a promise she knew he couldn't keep, before giving him a soft smile as he all but begged her to stay. Claire glanced over at Carson, who gave her a helpless look and shrugged. "Of course, e te tau," she murmured, dropping a tender kiss onto Caleb's shoulder. "But the moment it gets too much, we're done for the day, you hear me?" There was only so much she would allow her husband to put himself through before pulling the plug.

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